Jana Spicka and Women Getting Real Ministries
Posts tagged healing
When Life and Death Collide
Apr 8th
Within a week there have been two infant deaths in my world. One unsaved woman delivered a still born at eight months. Another woman, a strong believer, was carrying triplets, and one baby died. In the process, all three babies were delivered by C-section. The two surviving babies are in critical condition.
And often the first question is, “How could something like this happen?” More piercing questions sound like, “How could GOD let something like this happen?”
Really gut-wrenching, honest questions sound like, “How can this be good in any way?”
If we are not careful, these are the horrible moments when we throw around spiritual band-aids because we don’t know what to say:
“At least you have another child.”
“At least you didn’t have to fill-in-the-blank…”
“God must be teaching you something…”
“God works all things together…”
If we are not careful, because we are so uncomfortable with pain, agony, and despair, we will make all manner of attempts to fix, tidy, gloss over, and cover the gaping hole in those broken hearts.
And if we are not careful, we will miss the aroma of Christ. I told my friend who is truly broken-hearted over our friend’s loss, “God is good, and He is here.” He is right here. In the middle of this mystery. And misery. He knows exactly how it feels to lose a child.
The Bible says to mourn with those who mourn. And to trust that God is doing the same. I remember delivering Judah when we found out he had died at 16 weeks. He was so small, he fit in our hand. To some it seemed odd because he was so little. But he was our son, is our son.
Sure we got a gamut of responses — the gossip, the “glad it didn’t happen to me”, the “you can always have another baby”, even the God comments that cut like knives rather than soothe like a balm. But the sweetest gifts I received during that time were friends and family who would simply weep with us. That’s all. It hurt and that was okay.
The help and healing came from those who had nothing to offer but their tears. These precious few didn’t come to my bedside needing me to make them feel better, needing me to explain anything or defend God. They just came to journey with me and pray for me, when I was too weak to pray myself. My friend Nan says, “When you grieve together the love goes deeper still.”
Oddly enough, yesterday, the same day we heard about the death of the triplet, my sweet friend Amanda gave birth to her baby boy. And so we live. Life and death side by side. And somehow we are comforted because we stake our whole existence on one belief: God is good and He is here.
As Heather Says, "Simmah Dahn Nah."
Mar 18th
Translation: Simmer down now.
Not sure this isn’t beating a dead horse, but I want to circle back around on the blogs from last week. There was a lot of concern/instruction about my upset on the pregnant question. Thank you. And tons of concern about the offending woman. Thank you.
But I want to clarify that wasn’t about her. If I didn’t make that clear, let me repeat. It was about me and the Lord. As my friend Lyschel said, “she just happened to be the person who delivered the blow to the piece of the dam that loosed some stuff for you.” Amen. And the irritation of the moment was worth the revelation from God later.
However, glossing over the irritation, or denying it, or padding it, might not have resulted in the same revelation. Why were we so concerned about even broaching the topic? Is the idea of offending so off limits? Is it un-Christian? Is our every conversation to be without emotional upset?
Do you think Jesus offended people?
I am quite sure He did. In fact I think God purposely blows us up emotionally to get to our heart. Just like He did me last week. It is okay to be offended. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to express all of that. The better question is what do we DO in the that moment.
It is also okay for us to learn grace, to learn how to speak the truth in difficult moments. What if we were not talking about social faux pas, but life and death issues: porn, abortion, eating disorders? What then? I think there will be all kinds of sparks flying in those conversations.
In my first blog on this topic, I said, “Grace is not the same as silence.” I chose silence that day, because I lacked grace. And in my human observation, we don’t get to grace without practice. We learn it, one difficult encounter at a time. He doesn’t waste anything. I am so glad.
I don’t think God’s goal is for us to”be nice.” I think His goal is that we”speak the truth in love.” And then gives us a lifetime to practice.
We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Program… To Vent!
Mar 11th
You know you need grace when you get into those situations where you become frighteningly silent for fear of vomiting venom all over yourself, the offending person and the people standing within 10 feet of you.
That happened to me this morning. I didn’t even look at her for fear that fire-breathing dragons would burst from my eyes and burn her up on the spot.
But after I walked away from the moment, the Lord showed me these scenarios are also good indicators of other things besides grace:
A) God is teaching me self-control.
B) God is setting me up to flush places in my heart that need healing.
C) He is using ME to heal, repair, and convict someone else.
Another possible solution is that He is doing D) all of the above. Not funny, fun or entertaining. At all.
For the sake of social instruction… if you don’t KNOW a person well enough to already KNOW the facts, don’t ask if she is pregnant. Unless she has on a “baby on board” T-shirt, or like message, don’t go there. Not ever. Ever. Just because someone has a pudge, don’t ask, “How far along are you?” Believe it or not, there are about 100 body shapes between anorexic and pregnant. Why do we go from model thin to “with child”? Look around; there are lots and lots of body styles in between these two points on the spectrum. The last time I had a flat belly, I was 8. It is socially ridiculous to assume someone is with child because they have a roll. Can I be more clear? If you haven’t heard through the grapevine, if you don’t see a baby falling out of her uterus, if you don’t see some book for new mommies nearby, don’t ask.
For the sake of spiritual conviction…why did that bother me so badly that I couldn’t even respond? And what is the appropriate response?
It bothered me so badly because it was like a contest had occurred and I lost. She was thin and attractive and her question was like a judgment that I was not. I let her definition shake up my heart. And appropriate? Proverbs says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” How about a response like, “What an odd question. Why would you feel the freedom to ask that?”
Instead of being honest, I withdrew. Instead of standing in my beauty as God sees it, I hung my head in shame. That really hurt, but instead of being straightforward, I froze in the name of some Christian, Southern, love your neighbor BS.
Why do we shy away from letting people know how we feel? Are only good feelings, happy, holy feelings allowed? I don’t think so.
Today has been a good, good day by being such a bad one. But here are my God take-aways:
Truth: I belong to my Lover and His desire is for me (round belly and all). Don’t give in to social stupidity when it comes to weight, beauty and fashion.
Truth: If you don’t know, don’t ask. Ever.
Truth: Speak the truth, even when it hurts. Maybe it will stop the insensitive person from continuing to ask foolish questions of others.
Truth: Grace is not the same thing as silence.
Blessings on all you round-bellied women! And you flat-bellied ones, too!
Can You Hear Him Singing?
Feb 25th
“Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you.”
I just had this most fantastic conversation with my friend about “sitting in the presence of the Lord and talking to Him.” She is going through a really hard time with medical issues but the Lord is showing her those physical symptoms are also related to her heart issues. And she said this beautiful thing: “I was working on all these things but I still wasn’t seeing what was in my heart. There was a lie in my heart that He wanted me to see.”
God doesn’t just want to make us feel better, or give us relief for a moment. He wants us to be healed. Free. Healed and walking in newness of life. But we cannot walk in newness of life and still hold on to the same old lies. In her life, and in my own (perhaps in yours?) I can see the circumstances circling and tightening like a python. Yet instead of squeezing life out, this holy paralysis is forcing stillness. God will immobilize us if necessary just so we can look Him in the eyes and see that He “will fight thousands for my love.”
Will we sit in the presence of the Lord and journal? Ask Him questions, hard questions. Will we let Him ask us questions? Hard questions. And will we let our hearts see the lies He is exposing? God wants us to “know the truth” so that we will be free indeed.
Today, perhaps, stop fighting the python. Stop struggling to escape the circumstances. Instead, sit. Write. Listen. Ask. Believe. See the lies that keep you in torment. Renounce them, let them go, call on the Lord.
And if you listen long enough, you will hear heaven singing over you.
For My Love (listen)
Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you
Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love
I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued
Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love
A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there
by Bethany Dillon
Power of Confession
Feb 17th
I have been having some interesting conversations about confession. In fact, I had this dream about a dear friend of mine who is running hard after freedom. We had had dinner together and she was saying, “I just don’t know what to do next?” That night I dreamed she was sitting in the middle of this swirling wind and a voice kept repeating, “Confess that you may be healed.”
When she began confessing all the hidden places, lies, hurts, people, beliefs, the whirlwind got stronger and stronger around her and began changing colors. She was laughing and crying and confessing.
Did that just weird you out as much as it did me?
But then there is another friend who is trying get free from tragic happenings in her past. Again, “confess” was the word that came to mind for her.
Cliff notes on confession:
Remember that confession is agreeing with God.
It is owning and calling sin by name: people, actions, feelings, etc.
It is being willing to think about sin the way God does.
People think that confession produces condemnation but actually the opposite is true. When we call things what they are, we walk in the light of Truth. Nothing hidden or disguised. No lies. God already knows the truth, He desires that we KNOW the truth that we might be set free.
This can very hard to do with such an enemy on our heels. There is this Fantastic book that addresses head on the enemy’s tactics but it has a Scandalous title. All the church ladies prepare to gasp in offense…(Wait, are there really church ladies reading this blog? Right. So forward ho.)
The book is called “Emotional Bullshit.” There I said it. And I wish I had written it because it captures some really great insight into Denial, Delusion and Blame. The author even calls those three combined tactics the Toxic Trio.
Here is how it works. I am confronted by my own need to take responsibility for an action or belief. I don’t want to confront or own that responsibility so I deny it. Then I create some story that supports my denial, then I blame someone else for what is happening to me.
Let’s use food as an example. (Did I just hear a collective groan?) I am not taking care of my physical body. I am stiff and don’t like the way I look, and I need to lose weight for my health. These are the facts. This is where I need to take 100% responsibility to change my lifestyle so that those three things might change. Exercise and a better diet will decrease the stiffness, change the way I look, and improve my health. I have the power over all of those choices.
BUT: if I refuse to exert my power over those choices, I have to create some story as to WHY I can’t change. So I exaggerate, or fabricate, or procrastinate the circumstances to make up a B.S. story about why I am stuck. And almost ALWAYS my B.S. story will have someone ELSE being the reason or problem, the culprit, the cause of why I can’t change. See if my health is dependent on someone or something else, then I am not responsible for me. Voila’! Emotional Bullshit at its finest.
This is why confession is the key to all things. Confession is a completely counter-flesh concept. Only the Spirit of God leads the spirit to come to the the throne of a merciful God. It is the Spirit who convicts of sin. Not accusation, that is demonic. Not condemnation, that is only part of the enemy’s tactics.
But confession comes from God and returns to God. When you confess with your mouth those things that you are afraid of saying to God, you will be healed. It is His promise to us.
“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Proverbs: 28:13
So in every day life, not just the stronghold issues we face, but moment by moment, we ask the Lord to sweep our hearts. When He puts His loving finger on that heart attitude or action, word or deed, then we don’t resort to Emotional B.S. but we learn to confess.
“Yes Lord, thank You for showing me that. I see You are making me whole hearted.”
Just watch yourself today. It can be a fun exercise to see how much you shift and squirm to get away from being responsible for your own life…