Jana Spicka and Women Getting Real Ministries
General
Tired of Being a Duck Yet?
Jun 4th
When you choose to live on the “How am I doing?” spectrum you live somewhere between the Trophy Woman and the Invisible Woman. But you are still living out of a lie. The whole spectrum is a lie, from one end to the other.
So it doesn’t matter at what point you fall, it’s still a point on spectrum based on a lie.
God has a better way. It’s called freedom. It’s not that you are not aware of yourself. But you are aware of the Truth about you. Position rather than condition. There is a way to live and move with Jesus so that you are more concerned and focused on His opinion than anyone else’s.
And do you know what His opinion of you is?
I didn’t think so.
That is why we are always on the hunt. We don’t know, or believe, what the God of the universe has to say about us. We don’t know who we are, because we don’t know whose we are.
There is a childhood story about an ugly duckling. The plight of this duckling is that it did not look like the other ducks and so she was shamed and discarded and abused by the other ducklings in her flock. She tried very hard to be like the other ducks. But alas, she suffered terrible heartache because she was so ugly, or unlike, the others.
I think God would have us look more closely at the story as we look at His love. The problem of the story is not that the duckling was ugly.
The problem is that the duckling wasn’t a duckling at all.
It was something altogether MORE. So are you.
The duckling failed to know, or believe the truth, because her only point of reference was the other ducks. She kept trying live up to their definitions. But she simply could not cut it as a duck.
There was a cure.
When the duckling saw what she really was, the truth of her definition, she no longer tried to be a duck. She could care less about the ducks. The glorious swan got a glimpse of what she really was, and what she was really becoming.
To be born in a duck’s nest, in a farmyard, is of no consequence to a bird, if it is hatched from a swan’s egg.
We don’t need to worry about being “ugly” ducklings. We are not ducklings at all.
Christ in you the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27)
It doesn’t say the hope of being like everyone else. It doesn’t even say being puffed up about your glory. It declares, proclaims, announces:
Christ.
In you.
The Hope.
Of Glory.
The Lord started telling me I wasn’t a duck. And over time I believed Him.
What is God telling you? Are you tired of trying to be a duck yet?
Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 42
Let’s Get Real Here:
What is God telling you? Are you tired of trying to be a duck yet? What are the implications of being a swan? What would it take for you to believe God’s truth about you?
The Invisible Woman
Jun 3rd
The other side of the False Woman is the notion of being the ugly one.
I call this non-sexualizing yourself. If you can hold up a sign that says, women are not for decoration, you have taken yourself out of the game. Okay forget the sign. But you see women like this everyday. They go to school or work. Some marry. Have children. Go to church. They are great people. It’s just that something is missing. If they only had half a face, it would make sense of how you feel in their presence. That deformity would explain why you feel there is another whole dimension to them as women that is missing. There is a part of them that they have tried to, or have been forced to, shut off. Their internal logic is: if I don’t look like a woman, I won’t have to feel like a woman, then you can’t reject me as a woman.
We all say we don’t care about all that beauty stuff, at one time or another. I think we try to convince ourselves that we don’t care. But the truth is we do care, only we feel we can never win the beauty game. So we quit, and try to become invisible.
The Invisible Woman has a way of disregarding herself. Or maybe the word is dismissing. She believes she doesn’t count. She feels overlooked or ignored. Even absent.
We all go through seasons of feeling a little beat up with the ugly stick … but this is different. This is a way of life. The Invisible Woman has come to believe she has no womanly attributes of value. She believes this so deeply that she tries to accentuate or make up for her “lacking.”
My friend “Sally” is a perfect example. She told us her story once and said without blinking an eye, “I knew I wasn’t pretty but I was smart. So I learned that if I could make people laugh, they would like me anyway.”
I wanted to hold her and tell her what God thinks:
You are altogether beautiful, my darling,
And there is no blemish in you.
You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride
You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes.
Song of Solomon 4: 7, 9
I am not sure she would dare to believe it. Do you?
Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 42
Let’s Get RealHere:
What do you believe about your womanly attributes, your value? What do you think of the Song of Solomon passage? Do you believe it’s for you?
So Here's The Rub
Jun 2nd
So here is the rub. If God made us and thinks we are beautiful, why are we not to make our lives about being beautiful?
As with everything in the journey with Jesus, it is about our heart motive. We have one of two choices. To worship the created or the Creator. We can be led astray by the enticements around us which lead us to hypersexuality, idolatry, and despair.
Or we can follow the path of Jesus.
He said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31)
Never forget that God looks at the heart. When there is an understanding of who we are, because of whose we are, the game is over. I take care of myself because it is a way of worship, a way of saying thank you to my maker. It doesn’t increase my worth. It just polishes the shine of a diamond. Of course you are beautiful. Of course I am beautiful. And, no I don’t need your eyes all over my body to confirm that. I don’t need your knowing smile of appreciation to make me tingle.
I knew the walls were falling one day when I pulled up to a gas station and saw the pack of males. In the past, I would have either made eye contact and smiled to draw their attention (Trophy Woman) or I would have ducked my head in shame knowing they would not notice me (Invisible Woman).
But that day, I got out of my car looked to the sky and smiled. “He delights in me,” I said out loud. I nearly skipped into the store to pay for gas. I was overwhelmed by love of the One True Beholder.
And the guys… I have no idea what they did. I totally didn’t care.
Excerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 41
Let’s Get Real Here:
What do you think and feel when you read that God is your One True Beholder?
The False Woman
Jun 1st
Let me give you an couple of illustrations of the False Woman.
There was a photo I got by email. It The photo captures one lone woman, pale and plain, holding a sign that said, “Women are not decorations.” She is glaring at the short-short clad women in Hooters® tank tops standing right beside her. They are bronzed, dyed and pushed up. They look at her with mocking smiles, and pity.
The only caption was “Think she is jealous?
I looked a long, long time at that photo.
My first reaction was, no actually I am not jealous. I am sick. I am sick for both groups of women who have totally missed the point of being a woman. God’s woman.
The False Woman has two faces, or two ends of the spectrum. Most of us live somewhere on the spectrum. One face, or end of the spectrum, is like the Hooters® girl. I call this obsessive desire for beauty the Trophy Woman. The other face, or spectrum end I call the Invisible Woman.
The Hooters® girl has determined that it is only what’s on the outside that counts. She has to look “just so” to be considered a “Worthy Woman.” Her success is measured by her bust size, her waist size and how many heads she turns. So much so, she is paid to turn heads. Not only does she live for that look, she is prostituting her beauty, and gets paid to let guys look down her shirt.
Let’s revisit the email photo. The homely protesting woman has determined that it is only what’s on the inside that counts. She has bought hook, line and sinker that it is only about “Inner Beauty.” She’s decided all that fluff and primp effort is vanity. Somewhere she has believed that she can’t win at the beauty game, so she has quit the game altogether. Can you see her complete lack of effort is just an extreme opposite of the Trophy Woman’s obsessive effort? I have found when you dig a little with the Invisible Woman, just like in the Trophy Woman, there is almost always a gaping wound.
The Invisible Woman wears a mantle of heartache. Her face, her countenance, her posture, screams out unloved, unattractive, uninvolved, unaware of God’s original design of a woman. To somehow separate herself from the Trophy Woman lie, she goes to the opposite extreme.
When I talk about beauty God- style, it is not about denying it, but about embracing it.
In this photo you can see the pain in the protestor’s eyes. Somebody somewhere told this woman that she was not lovely. And she believed that lie. When you see a woman who is un-tended to, I don’t mean no make-up, I mean un-invested in, un-cared for, you know who I am talking about, she is living out of a definition other than her maker’s.
Whether Trophy or Invisible, both women represent the same problem from the opposite ends of the spectrum called the False Woman. If we don’t live in God’s definition then we settle for the Hollywood cultural definitions of womanhood, we let ourselves be put in assigned boxes:
Got it,
Might get it,
Used to have it,
Never had it.
We have been put in these boxes, like it or not. So when we look around the room and see all the other boxes, we have to do something to make our assigned box seem like home. So we rationalize our health, our body structure, our genes, eating patterns, our drama and trauma stories, whatever it takes, to justify the box we have been assigned to. But guess what? All of these boxes are lies.
All of them. Lies.
Exerpt taken from Unhindered, Chapter 41
Let’s Get Real Here:
Where do you fall on the False Woman spectrum? Can you name the lies and wounds that hold you there? What do you think of beauty God-style?
Zim Prayer: May 31 – June 6
May 31st
Okay, prayer warriors! Here are the Zim highlights for this week.
Monday May 31 – Thursday, June 3
The team will be on a houseboat in Kariba. This will be their down time for fun, seeing wild life, and also processing what the Lord has been doing.
Friday, June 4
Team returns to Chinhoyi Friday morning
Chinhoyi Youth Meeting (Friday night)
Jana speaks
Team does skit
Spencer and Lara share testimonies
Saturday, June 5
Good Shepherd Orphanage – time with kids, hand out letters, pictures taken
Tara and Anna – leading a craft
Salem and Beth – playing games with the younger kids
Sunday, June 6
Chinhoyi High School
Tyler speaking
Team does skit
Alex and Randy share testimonies
Lomgundi College
Team shares cardboard testimonies
Jana speaks